


Enduring Ties

by overlordpotatoe



Series: Frayed Ties [3]
Category: Original - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Master/Slave, Original Slash, Slash, Slavery, Slaves, original - Freeform, slave - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overlordpotatoe/pseuds/overlordpotatoe
Summary: [Stand alone Frayed Ties side story] Cailan is sold at just thirteen years old, but he soon learns that the terse older man who purchased him is not to be his master. He is given as a gift to the man’s sixteen year old son, Liam, and is immediately devoted to his kind and caring master. Cailan is ready and willing to serve in any manner Liam desires, but is Liam ready to be the owner of a Companion?
Series: Frayed Ties [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985620
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

The man had large, rough hands that jerked Cailan about as cold blue eyes examined him distantly. He didn't grope as many men did in their inspections, giving the same grim attention to checking Cailan's teeth as he did examining his genitals. Cailan stood tall but let himself be moved freely, stared straight ahead and kept his expression impassive. He'd learnt after the first few times that any misbehaviour while he was being inspected for sale, any show of fear or modesty, would get him sent to the isolation room for two full days.

The man cast an eye down the line of naked boys, all of them older than Cailan's thirteen years, before turning to Master Adam where he stood watching over them with his arms folded across his chest. "I'll take him."

Master Adam's lips curved up into a smile. "I'll get the paperwork."

#

The man's name was Mr Roy, and he didn't so much as blink at the exorbitant price he was quoted for Cailan's purchase. While he did the paperwork, Cailan was sent up to dress in his nicest robe. The rest of his robes, emblazoned with the House’s chest, would be handed down to the next boy to age out of the nursery and be prepared for sale.

Mr Roy didn't speak to him as they left the House, didn't so much as glance at him. They caught a carriage in silence and arrived a few minutes later at a large, new house that sat along a street full of other large, new houses.

Cailan had been trained for this, or at least he had thought he had. He had been trained to expect a new master's attentions and to welcome them. Nobody had ever mentioned that he might be sent up to room, empty but for a simple bed and dresser, and left alone for hours until he wondered if he'd been forgotten.

He heard the clinking of dishes downstairs and the smell of food on the air as dinner was served, heard the table being cleared and the residents of the house returning to their quarters. He sat on the bed and waited. It was full dark outside before Mr Roy finally came for him.

"Follow me, slave," Mr Roy said, his first words to Cailan.

"Yes, master," Cailan murmured.

Mr Roy glanced over his shoulder and met Cailan's gaze for the first time. "I am not your master."

He continued down the hall without explanation, and Cailan didn't dare ask as he hurried to keep up with Mr Roy's far longer stride.

The room they entered was a study, bookcases lining the walls and a large timber desk up against tall windows at the far end of the room. It was the boy standing to the side of the room who caught Cailan's eye, though.

The boy was in his mid-teens, and superficially he looked like Mr Roy. The same blue eyes, but nowhere near as cold. Hair of the same brown, but neatly combed and shiny, not flecked with grey. He didn't have the same scowl Mr Roy had etched into the lines of his face, instead holding his expression carefully neutral. He stood tall and straight as he cast his eyes over Cailan and then raised curious eyebrows at Mr Roy. "What is this, father?"

With a hand on his back, Mr Roy shoved Cailan a step forward in the boy's direction. "This is what you will be using if you have any more urges you need to satisfy, Liam."

Liam's careful mask twisted, his expression drawing back with distaste, before he pulled himself back into composure and gave a stiff nod of his head. "Yes, father."

Mr Roy gave Cailan another shove in Liam's direction. "Take him, then."

Liam didn't hesitate to follow his father's order, guiding Cailan from the room with a hand clenched firmly but not painfully around his arm. His expression had shifted as soon as they were out of his father's sight, his eyebrows drawing down and his lips pressing into a tight line, but it wasn't until they were in an ornate bedroom with the door firmly shut that the mask fell apart entirely.

"What the hell does he think he—" Liam's eyes were wide and distressed when he turned his gaze on Cailan. He gave a sharp shake of his head. "I don't know which theory is worse. That this is some kind of punishment designed to mock me, or that he genuinely thinks fooling around with boys my own age is no different than molesting a— a  _ child _ ."

Cailan didn't quite know what was going on, but he knew this boy, his master now, was upset, that he was the source of his master's unhappiness. He fell to his knees and dropped his head, his long golden hair falling forward to shield his face.

"How old are you?" he heard Liam ask.

"I—I'm thirteen, sir," Cailan said, his voice quivering on the last word.

"That’s too young," Liam said. "I'm sixteen, almost a man. And my own father has given me a child, to— Well, don't you worry. That won't be happening."

"You don't want me, sir?" Cailan asked, his voice tiny and broken.

"I’m not attracted to children.”

Cailan dared to look up at Liam, watched him as he ran his fingers through his hair over and over and messed up the neat job he'd done of combing it. "Are you going to send me back, sir?"

Liam considered Cailan for a moment before his lips slowly slid into a bitter smile and he shook his head. "No. You don't look like you were cheap. He can waste his money all he likes."

Though it stung to be called a waste, Cailan was relieved he wouldn’t be sent back. Being a second hand slave was a shameful thing and it would dramatically reduce his value. Nobody would believe that his virginity hadn’t been taken. "Thank you, sir."

"You don't have to kneel. Come, I'll show you the library."

The library was a large room filled with rows of bookshelves, and it contained enough books to last Cailan years before he would need to consider rereading anything. The House had had a far smaller collection, but Cailan hadn't managed to work his way through the whole of it in the short time he was there. It had only been a few scary weeks since he'd left the nursery.

Liam didn't once touch Cailan as he guided him through the contents of each shelf, not so much as a tap on his arm to draw his attention. Would he ever? He had kept his distance since he’d led Cailan back to his room with a hand clenched tight around his arm, strong and gentle.

Cailan had a stack of books with him by the time Liam brought him back to the simple, bare room he'd been given, wished him a good night, and left him there alone. He tried to read and found he couldn't focus on the words. Already the isolation gnawed at him. The only times he'd ever been on his own for more than a few minutes at a time had been as part of a punishment during his short time at the House. He wanted to apologise, beg for forgiveness. He wanted to make things right, but this time he'd done nothing wrong. At least according to Liam.

It was early when Liam came by with a tray of food the next morning, but Cailan was already up. He hadn't slept well. By the time the door was open, he was already kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed.

"I thought you might be hungry," Liam said as he carefully set the tray down on the bed. "I don't suppose my father bothered to feed you last night."

"Thank you, sir."

"You can stand up," Liam said. "You don't have to kneel for me all the time. I mean, it would be a good idea in front of my father, and in the presence of important company, but when it's just us..."

"Thank you, sir," Cailan said again as he stood, slow and smooth like he'd been taught.

"The ‘sir’ thing, too. That's not necessary when we're alone."

Cailan nodded his head and dropped his gaze.

"Well, I'd better get going," Liam said. "I just wanted to get something to you before everyone else eats. I'd bring you down to breakfast, but taking you near my father seems unwise. I'll get our maid, Aubree, to come and get your dishes and help you take a bath later."

Cailan nodded, his eyes on the ground, and murmured, "Thank you." He couldn't say the words with near the same confidence when he wasn't tacking 'sir' on to the end. He had been told that some masters would ask them to drop such formalities as a way of feeling closer to their slave, but that wasn’t what was happening here and Cailan had never addressed a human so informally before.

It was only after Liam had left that Cailan actually looked at the tray, that he noticed the sheer quantity of food on it. He could never eat all that! A full bowl of porridge, two boiled eggs and buttered toast, and an apple. 

Liam had made it clear the entire tray of food was for him, though, and he'd been trained never to question his master's judgement. He sat down on the bed and he ate.

It was nice at first, the perfectly soft boiled eggs and the buttery toast the most delicious things he’d ever eaten, but by the time he moved on to the apple he was already nearly full. After just a few spoonfuls of porridge, the thought of eating more made Cailan feel nauseous. He continued anyway. Liam had given him so little guidance. He would do whatever was asked of him.

He had finished most of what seemed to be an increasingly large bowl of porridge by the time a final mouthful pushed him over some threshold and suddenly he was retching violently. He tried to hold it back with his hands, but he still managed to get it on his clothing, the carpet, and the bedspread before he finally got himself under control.

Half an hour later the maid entered to find Cailan sobbing as he tried desperately to calm his mind enough to make his magic cooperate with cleaning up the mess.

Aubree was a tall, slightly overweight woman with light hair and dark eyes that narrowed critically at the sight of Cailan kneeling on the floor, his robe stained with vomit and his eyes red and damp from crying.

Aubree didn't speak to Cailan as she hauled him up by his arm, her lips pursed in disgust, and dragged him down the hall to a large bathroom. She put the plug in the bathtub and let the water run while she tugged Cailan's clothes off with unnecessary aggression.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Cailan murmured, his voice trembling. Aubree may have been a maid, but she was a free woman. That put her well above him.

"Sorry's not going to clean up your carpet, now is it?" Aubree said. "Get in the tub. Can you scrub yourself?"

"Yes ma'am," Cailan murmured as he climbed into the white porcelain bathtub. The water was heated, presumably by electricity like the house's lighting, a rare luxury even in the city. "I can clean the carpet too, with my magic."

Aubree scoffed. "You're welcome to try, but we both know you're only really good for one thing."

Cailan pressed his lips together and focussed his attention on wetting his hair. He was good at cleaning. He'd just been having trouble because he was scared of getting in trouble. After he'd had his bath he'd go back and do it properly.

Aubree told Cailan she'd check back in on him in a while and left him to wash himself, taking his dirty robe with her. 

As Cailan washed himself mechanically, he pulled himself back together. Things had just changed so fast, and suddenly he felt very much on his own. He liked his new master, but Liam clearly didn't understand him. He didn't offer Cailan the same companionship the other slaves had given him in spades.

By the time Aubree returned ten minutes later, Cailan was much calmer and had finished washing. She dried him briskly with a towel though he could have done it himself. He hadn't been treated like this since he was a child. Maybe that was how she saw him. Turning thirteen had meant that he was mature enough to be sold, but Liam seemed to think he was still a baby.

"I don't have any clothes that will fit you, so you'll just have to wear your underpants while I get your robe washed," Aubree said once Cailan was dry. "I'll get those off you and wash them once you have your robe back, though. We can't have you being unclean for your young master."

The scorn in her voice was unmissable. Cailan couldn't help but wonder if there would be less of it if she knew Liam felt much the same way. "Yes, ma'am."

"I've changed your sheets, but I've left the carpet alone," Aubree said as she led Cailan back to his room. "I'll be back to check on you soon. I won't be pleased if all that comes of your efforts is that mess settling in deeper because of the delay."

"I can do it, ma'am," Cailan murmured.

"Then do it."

Left alone in his room, Cailan knelt next to the mess he'd left on the carpet and tried again to get to work. His mind felt jittery, out of sync as it always did after more than a day in isolation. He'd never been expected to try and use his magic afterwards until he'd had a bit of contact to resettle him.

Cailan's progress was glacially slow as he drew the vomit out of the carpet and dissipated it. By the time Aubree returned to check on him half an hour later he was only half way done, but he'd proven that he could do it so she left him be.


	2. Chapter 2

It was around noon when Liam poked his head into the room and gave Cailan an uncertain smile. Cailan stood from the bed and set his book aside as Liam entered, shifting from foot to foot as he fought against the reflex to kneel. He was still dressed only in his loose cotton underpants, but he’d never had enough privacy to develop much of a sense of modesty.

"Is Aubree washing your robe?" Liam asked.

"Yes," Cailan said, only just barely resisting the impulse to tack on 'sir'. Liam was dressed in his school uniform and was carrying another tray of far too much food, which he set down on the bed.

"Are you hungry?" Liam asked as he gestured to the tray. Eight small triangular sandwiches, a large piece of cake, and a bowl of orange slices.

Cailan could feel his eyes beginning to water as he chewed at his lip, desperately trying to contain his distress. He dropped to his knees like gravity had suddenly overcome him, his bare skin contacting painfully with the rough carpet, and hung his head.

"What's wrong?"

"I—" Cailan's voice shook. He swallowed and tried again, though it didn't help much. "I can't eat that much, sir. I'll throw up again. I'm sorry."

"Again?"

Cailan shifted nervously but stayed silent. It hadn't even occurred to him that he might be able to hide that.

"You ate too much and threw up?"

Cailan gave a jerky nod.

"Why?"

"I wanted to be good, sir," Cailan murmured almost too quietly to be heard.

There was a stretch of silence as Liam sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and loosened the tie that was part of his uniform. Finally he sighed and shook his head. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Are you angry with me, sir?"

"Hey,  _ no _ ." Liam leant forward and his hand twitched towards Cailan before he quickly pulled it back. "You're just a scared kid. But, in the future, don't eat if you're not hungry."

"Yes, sir."

"Now come on. Drop the ‘sir’ thing and quit kneeling. We talked about this."

Cailan quickly got to his feet. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Now, how much of this food do you want?"

Cailan's shoulders hunched and he felt his body heat with shame. "I'm sorry. I'm not hungry at all."

Liam shrugged and reached over to pick a sandwich triangle off the tray. "Don't worry about it. I'll eat it. Will you be wanting much dinner?"

Cailan sucked his lip into his mouth and shook his head. “Half a bowl of porridge is fine.”

"That’s a bit boring for dinner, though, isn’t it?”

“I’m grateful for everything I receive.”

“I didn’t expect you to eat all of this, or all of the breakfast. I just wanted to give you something nice to eat and I wasn’t sure what you like.”

“It was all wonderful. Thank you. I’m sorry I misunderstood and ruined it.”

Liam sighed and shook his head. “No. It was my fault. I didn’t realise you’d feel obligated to eat it all, but I probably should have. My father has a slave of his own, I just prefer not to get involved with her. She always looks so unhappy, or… maybe not even that. Maybe more like she’s locked the part of her that feels at all away deep inside of herself and now she’s nothing but a husk to fulfill his desires." Liam's eyes flicked up to meet Cailan's. "Don't tell him I said that. He'd find some way to harden me against such sympathies if he knew. He thinks it's a sign of weakness."

"Of course, si—" Cailan bit his lip and stared down at his feet, shoulders tensing as he waited to be reprimanded.

"I'll need to get you clothes," Liam mused, ignoring Cailan's slip up entirely. "What else do you need? Clearly I know nothing of slaves."

"Clothing is typically the only possession a slave is allowed," Cailan said, watching his toes as they waggled against the carpet.

"You can sit down if you like."

Without glancing up, Cailan sat down cross legged on the floor.

"I meant on the bed, but that's fine too," Liam said. "Are you sure you don't want any sandwiches?"

The thought of food sent nausea flooding through Cailan's body. "If it pleases you."

Liam sighed loudly. "Just say no."

"No?" Cailan tried.

Liam made a sound of frustration. "And now you're just saying it because I told you to, aren't you?"

Cailan's face scrunched up in distress and he finally looked up at Liam. "I'm trying to be good, si—" Cailan made a small broken sound. "I'm  _ trying _ , I swear."

"I can see that," Liam said, his voice carefully calm. "Maybe a little too hard, though. I may be your master on paper, but I'm not even out of school yet. Just... try to be honest with me. Tell me what you want and what you don't want."

"I want you to touch me."

Liam recoiled sharply, his face twisting in alarm. "No, I—  _ no _ ." He stood from the bed abruptly and fumbled as he picked up the tray. "I'd better get back to school. I'll— I'll get in trouble if I'm not back in time."

Cailan's expression stayed pinched tight as Liam fled the room, then crumpled the moment the door was shut. He just wanted a hug, a pat on the head.  _ Anything _ . He was privately glad Liam had no desire to do the things he’d been told about in training, but when the alternative was nothing Cailan wasn't so sure he'd lucked out. He crawled into his bed and buried his face in the pillow to muffle his sobbing.

Liam didn't come to see Cailan that evening, and the next morning it was Aubree who brought him a small bowl of porridge in the morning and reminded him only to eat it if he was actually hungry. She returned his robe and took his underpants to throw in with the next load of laundry.

Though Cailan did his best to read, there was a buzzing in his mind that kept him distracted. Liam poked his head in the door that evening, told Cailan he had homework, and left again.

The next day Cailan was sitting on his bed with his hand held out in front of him, watching his fingers tremble. Every muscle in his body felt too tight. What would happen to him if Liam refused to ever touch him? A knock on the door made him jolt sharply as he felt adrenaline rush through his body.

Cailan's gut twisted when Liam opened the door, and for a moment he just sat and stared. He wanted to cuddle up with him so badly, to feel gentle hands brush through his hair. Liam was halfway across the room before Cailan realised he hadn't stood, and he almost tripped over his feet as he hurried to climb off the bed.

When Liam stopped he was still well out of arm's reach from Cailan. "You'll be coming shopping with me and a friend of mine from school today. Wash up and meet us downstairs when you're ready."

Cailan's head spun as he nodded briskly.

As soon as Liam left, Cailan went to the bathroom and washed his face then carefully combed and braided his long hair. His skin looked a shade too pale in the mirror, but he was otherwise presentable. He pinched some colour back into his cheeks and headed downstairs.

Liam was sitting in the greeting area with his friend, a boy around the same age with sandy blond hair and dark brown eyes. They glanced up from their tea when Cailan cautiously entered the room.

"You see what I mean, Tucker," Liam said with a nod to Cailan. "He's just a child."

Tucker considered Cailan, his head propped up on his fist. "He’s reached puberty at least, and in a couple of years—”

"In a couple of years he’ll be fifteen and I’ll be eighteen," Liam interrupted.

Tucker gave a shrug. "That’s not so bad, but fine. Wait a few more if it pleases you. The point is, when he's grown he'll be quite a beauty."

Cailan didn't miss the way Liam's eyes skimmed his form with fresh consideration, his gaze lingering on his face. "Well, perhaps, but my father bought him with the intention that I would use him now. Why buy me a child for that?"

"The best ones sell young," Tucker explained. "You'd get only the dregs if you bought an older slave. To hell with your father's plans. Take these years to mold the boy, and then by the time you're ready to start a household of your own you'll have a fine Companion to see to your needs."

Liam studied Cailan for a moment longer before his lips twisted and he gave a sharp shake of his head. "I see your point, but that's a bit more forethought than I'm comfortable with. He's just a child."

"The girl who's promised as my bride is younger than your slave, so I'm used to forethought." Tucker stood and stretched his arms out. "Shall we go?"

Cailan stuck close behind Liam as they left the house, close enough that if Liam should come to a sudden stop or turn abruptly they might just happen to brush against one another through no deliberate action from Cailan. As far as Cailan could tell Liam hardly noticed these accidental touches, but Cailan savoured them. He was so focussed on his unmet need that he barely took in their surroundings as they walked past a few blocks of expensive houses to the stores.

Liam seemed far more comfortable in Tucker's company than he ever had been with Cailan, and it wasn't until they'd reached the long row of storefronts that he stopped to speak to Cailan. "What kind of clothes do you want?"

Cailan clasped and unclasped his hands in front of him. "Whatever pleases you, sir."

Tucker muffled a soft chuckle against Liam's shoulder. "Oh, he  _ is _ good."

Liam shoved Tucker off. "I don't care what you wear."

Cailan dropped his gaze to the ground. Of course Liam didn't care.

"What do you want?" Liam asked again.

Cailan bit back against the urge to request to be touched again. That wasn't what Liam was asking, and it hadn't gone over so well last time. "I—I don't mind, sir."

"There's a store that caters to slaves down there," Tucker said. "Robes and such. That will be what he's used to and what he'll stand out in the least."

When Cailan offered no disagreement, Liam shrugged and they followed Tucker.

The store they entered had a wide variety of robes, from expensive formal attire for companions to simple robes for labourers. Liam held out his hands and gestured broadly. "What do you want?"

"Um..." Cailan glanced around him, completely lost.

Tucker laughed and patted Liam on the shoulder. "He's probably not used to getting to choose his own things. Just grab him something for formal occasions and a few of the more basic robes."

"Does that sound okay?" Liam asked Cailan.

"Yes, sir."

"Hey, they have changing rooms," Tucker said, his eyebrows lifting and a smile curving his lips. "Want to go examine one with me, Li?"

"I don't know," Liam said, posture gone stiff as his gaze shifted between Tucker and Cailan.

" _ Liam _ ," Tucker said as he stepped in close and, after a quick glance around to check nobody was watching, pressed a kiss to the corner of Liam's mouth.

Liam's throat bobbed as he swallowed and he gave a quick nod. "Cailan, why don't you look around for a minute?"

"Yes, sir," Cailan said carefully, but he didn't move as he watched the two boys duck behind one of the curtains.

Cailan felt rooted to the spot as he listened to the sounds coming from behind the curtain, a quiet thud and then the wet sound of lips against lips. Cailan's skin felt too hot and his throat felt tight. His stomach twisted as he heard one of the boys inhale sharply.

When the boys came out a few minutes later, flushed faced and pink lipped, Cailan still hadn't moved from where he'd been left.

"Did you find anything?" Liam asked as he adjusted his clothing, his gaze landing on Cailan's face for only an instant before quickly flitting away.

"No, sir. I—I'm sorry."

"Did you even start looking?"

Cailan shook his head and stared down at his feet.

The blow that landed on Cailan's bottom came as such a shock that he squeaked loudly, though it had only hurt a little. By the time Cailan realised it had been Tucker who had struck him, Liam already had a firm grip on the other boy's wrist.

"Don't hit him," Liam growled.

Tucker shook his wrist until Liam let go. "He disobeyed you. It was just a tap. My father whips his slaves."

Liam's expression twisted up in disgust. "You think I should whip some poor kid every time he slips up?"

"Of course not. He's a Companion. It would be a waste to cover him in scars. It's important to keep them in line, though. He'll walk all over you if you let him."

The shop clerk had been drawn out from behind his desk by the sound of raised voices, and he approached the boys with a disapproving frown etched on his face. "Is there a problem here?"

"No," Liam said. "Tuck, maybe you should wait outside."

Tucker let out a huff and shook his head. "No, I've had enough. You can figure this mess out on your own. See you at school?"

As Tucker left, the clerk turned to Liam. "May I help you find anything?"

"Uhh... a formal robe and a few for everyday wear for this one, I suppose."

Liam was quiet and tight lipped as they quickly completed their shopping, and as soon as his purchases were bundled up he turned them in the direction of home. They were around half way back before he spoke.

"My father used to hit me when I was little," Liam said. "Before I learnt not to ever cross him. And... I always promised myself if I had kids, I would never hurt them. Later I came to realise I had no interest in women and so it seemed unlikely I would ever have children. But, well, I guess I've ended up with one anyway. I have you. I won't hurt you."

"Oh," Cailan said carefully. "One doesn't normally— I mean you  _ can _ , but normally people don't beat companions. At the House, we were put into isolation as punishment."

"That does seem more reasonable," Liam said. "A time out for bad behaviour."

Cailan bit his lip against the urge to tell Liam that he'd rather be beaten so long as it was done by hand, so long as Liam would make even the briefest, most painful of contact with him. He would take pain any day over nothing at all.

That wasn't what Liam wanted to hear, though. If he knew how much Cailan wanted contact of any kind, he'd probably be disgusted and make sure he was unable to sneak it even in the tiny moments of contact as they walked.

Cailan was left alone again as soon as they got home, shut away in his room and told to read. It might have been a good thing, all this time to read and no demands placed upon him, if it weren't for the all encompassing need within him that kept him constantly distracted.

How long could he live like this? Could he adapt? It had always been described to him as an absolute need, something a master could take away briefly as punishment but that wouldn't ever be denied to them permanently any more than a master might deny them food permanently.

The time when he should have eaten came and went, but hunger didn't come to Cailan. The only need he had was the need for touch. He lay on his bed, knees pulled in close against his chest, and hugged himself, stroked a hand through his hair and pretended it was someone else petting him. It didn't work, but he couldn't stop either.

Cailan didn't realise he'd heard a knock on the door, didn't realise he'd heard Liam enter, until Liam was standing next to the bed, staring down at him. He knew he should move, that he should stand or kneel, but he couldn't stop clinging to himself.

Couldn't stop until Liam's hand reached out and pressed against his forehead, and then before he was even aware of moving Cailan found he was clinging to Liam's arm instead. Liam tried to pull back, but Cailan just held on tighter. He knew he was being bad, knew he would get in so much trouble, but he  _ needed  _ this.

"What's wrong, Cailan?" Liam asked, and Cailan realised suddenly that he'd been saying that all along, repeating it over and over.

Cailan shook his head and sniffed back against a sob. "I'm sorry, sir. I need it."

"Calm down. Need what?"

"I need you to touch me, sir."

Liam tried to jerk away, but Cailan had too firm a grip on him. "Touch you? Like...?"

"Like  _ anything _ , sir. Please,  _ please _ just touch me."

"You mean like..." Liam slowly reached out the hand Cailan hadn't taken hostage and brushed it lightly over the top of Cailan's hair.

" _ Yes _ ," Cailan sobbed out as he pressed back against the hand, making the touch firmer.

Slowly, Liam knelt next to the bed. He continued to pet Cailan's hair, and he didn't try to pull his other arm away again. "I had heard it said that Companions need touch, but I didn't think it was meant so literally. I thought they were just trained to desire physical contact, but you actually seem ill.”

Cailan rocked his head from side to side in a shake. "It's all of us, from birth. That's why isolation is the perfect punishment, sir."

"You don't have to call me sir."

"Sorry."

"That's okay."

As Liam's hand continued stroking through his hair, Cailan slackened his grip on Liam's other hand. He was already feeling less hysterical. "Am I in a lot of trouble now?"

"No."

"I should be."

"You don't get to decide that."

Cailan sighed and tilted his head to the side so that Liam could brush his hair around his ear. "Thank you, Liam."

"You're welcome, Cailan."


	3. Chapter 3

Liam had always avoided his father, kept both himself and Cailan away from his critical gaze. He was an obedient son, but never out of loyalty. He feared his father. Although Liam occasionally alluded to why, mentioned past mistreatment, Cailan had never seen things get aggressive between them in the six months he had been living with them.

Cailan didn't hear the initial discussion, but as things became heated the gist of it reached Cailan's room. Liam had announced that he wouldn't be marrying the girl his father had arranged for him. He had told his father that he would not be marrying  _ any  _ girl, because he had no interest in girls. Cailan wanted to clamp his hands over his ears to block out the yelling, but he needed to know what was going on.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Cailan heard Liam yell. "I'm a man now. You don't get to hit me anymore."

"You think you're a man?" Liam's father yelled back. "You're still a stupid child! If you're going to live under my roof, you will follow my rules. If you don't like that, you can marry Louise and start your own household."

"Or I can make my own way."

"How do you propose to do that? Sell that slave of yours? He's the only thing in your name worth any money."

Cailan's gut clenched painfully. He knew Liam would never do it, he'd promised many times that he would keep Cailan forever, but it still sent fear coursing through him to hear his sale suggested.

Liam's voice was too quiet for Cailan to hear what he said next, but his father's reaction made it clear enough.

"You're joining the military? Don't expect to use my name to get a good position. You'll be digging latrines and working in the mud."

"As if I want any association with your name!" Liam shouted back. "I don't want  _ anything  _ from you."

"Then get out."

Cailan heard the boom of the front door slamming shut behind Liam, felt it in his chest. Liam would come back for him, wouldn't he? He'd be back in the morning. He was just angry, and his father was angry, and in the morning they'd make everything okay again.

In the morning, everything was not okay. Liam was still gone, and even Aubree didn't bother to stick her head in to see if he wanted breakfast.

In everything that had happened, had everyone just forgotten Cailan existed? Maybe that was better for now. Liam had always protected Cailan from his father, and Cailan definitely didn't want to go drawing his attention when he was still angry about his son absconding. He carefully timed his trips to the bathroom for when nobody was around and kept to his room the rest of the time.

Liam had always made sure Cailan's need for affection was seen to, even when it meant having Cailan sit on the floor while he sat at his desk and weaved a hand through Cailan's hair while he studied. He'd never once denied him touch as a punishment. Cailan knew his behaviour wasn't flawless, but Liam had never seen the need to doll out anything but the occasional stern word to keep him under control.

Not being at all used to having touch withheld from him, Cailan was beginning to feel the effects by the end of the first day. Or perhaps it was simply his growing anxiety making him feel too tight inside, twisting his gut into knots.

Aubree did come by on the second morning, looked at Cailan with lips pressed into a firm line and left a bowl of plain porridge for him without comment. She'd never quite thawed to him, but as she'd realised how innocent his relationship with Liam truly was she'd started treating him less icily. All that progress was gone now. Once again, Cailan was left alone.

He ate a mouthful of porridge, and then pushed the bowl away. He wasn't hungry. The bite of food just made him feel sick.

By the third day, his fingertips had begun to tremble. Was Liam ever coming back for him? What would happen if he didn't? Would he be sold? Disposed of? Would he be expected to serve Liam's father instead? He couldn't imagine how that would work. Liam's father was only interested in women, and though Cailan was decent at cleaning he could only use his magic if someone was providing him with regular physical contact.

Cailan was curled up in his bed, hugging himself, the next time Aubree brought him food. She placed the tray on his bedside table and then turned to leave, but paused in the doorway. "He really has joined the military."

Cailan inhaled shakily. "Is he coming back for me?"

"That's all I know," Aubree said before leaving the room.

By the time a week had passed, Cailan felt like he was losing his mind. His body had a constant, gentle tremble to it, and he couldn't keep down food. The only thing occupying his mind was his need. And it certainly was a need. He knew, somewhere deep and aching, that he wouldn't survive this. Not forever.

If he'd been in any state for it he would have run away and tried to find Liam, as suicidal as that was. He had a tracking chip in him and runaways were punished harshly, often fatally, but perhaps if Liam had insisted he not be harmed... Anyway, it was out of the question now. He couldn't even walk in a straight line.

The only other solution he could think of was to find someone else.  _ Anyone  _ else. He would have gone to Liam's father, submitted and offered himself, if he'd thought there was any chance of appealing to him. Liam's mother was a quiet woman who kept to herself, but Cailan had noticed how she looked at him when their paths had happened to cross. Disgust. The same way she looked at Aris, the female slave Liam's father kept. Liam had noticed it too and kept them well apart.

Cailan chewed at his normally carefully manicured fingernails until he tasted blood, though he didn't feel any pain. Who else was there? Aris, of course, who as a fellow slave might even be sympathetic, but she kept mostly to Liam's father's rooms. If they were caught together they'd both be punished.

In the end, the only member of the household Cailan had any kind of bond with was Aubree. She was his only hope.

Maybe if Cailan had been able to find the words to explain himself, to verbalise his need, things wouldn't have gone so badly. If his quest for comfort didn't end up seeming so much like an attack, she might not have struggled and screeched and shoved him off. She might not have left him alone in the room once again.

It could have been ten minutes or an hour before the door opened again and Cailan heard the sound of heavy footsteps. Time seemed to alternate between dragging out interminably and disappearing in chunks when he wasn't paying attention. Cailan uncurled himself and looked up to see eyes the same colour as Liam's staring down at him.

He knew this man was not Liam, not the master he loved. Knew this man was dangerous, but he reached for him without hesitation anyway. Liam's father shoved his seeking hands away and hauled him up by his arm.

"You will not be accosting any member of my household again," Liam's father said as he grabbed hold of Cailan's other arm as well to control his desperate squirming. There was no affection in the touch, but it still held the very edge of what Cailan needed.

Liam's father was a solidly built man in decent shape and Cailan was tiny, but he still struggled to contain Cailan as he dragged him from the room and down the hall. He paused to slap Cailan hard across the cheek, but it didn't deter Cailan from trying to use his freed arm to hug him. The pain barely even registered. When they reached Liam's room, Liam's father tossed Cailan in and slammed the door shut behind him. Cailan heard the lock click into place.

Cailan rattled the knob and pressed himself against the door, whimpering in his desperation to be touched again. Liam's father didn't speak until Cailan had slumped defeated and silent against the door.

"In three weeks, if Liam has not come to reclaim you, you're considered abandoned and legally become my property," Liam's father said through the door. "I've stocked the room with enough biscuits and dried fruit to last you until then, and Liam has an attached bathroom for water and toileting."

"I'll die," Cailan groaned, though he wasn't sure whether or not that was true. He certainly  _ felt  _ like he would.

There was a pause, and then, "That's not my problem."

Cailan let his anguish out in a sorrowful howl as footsteps retreated, all training forgotten. His whole self had been reduced to nothing more than a need.

He dragged himself across the floor and pulled himself up onto Liam's bed, crawling under the covers and burying his face in Liam's pillow. It still smelled of him. That only made the ache settle heavier, but Cailan couldn't keep himself from taking deep, gulping breaths of it anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Cailan lost track of things after that. He saw to his needs, though only just, and he never remembered doing it, just that his bladder ended up empty without him wetting himself and he always had enough water left in his body to make more tears. If he ate at all, it wasn't much.

Eventually awareness drifted away entirely, and if Cailan had been capable of any kind of self reflection he would have expected death to follow. He felt a muted sense of surprise when consciousness ebbed back in.

It started slowly, just a soft realisation that he was awake. That he was warm, that his bladder had demands, that his throat felt dry and his belly empty. His body pressed forward without him consciously commanding it, and that's when he felt arms shift around him, hot breath against his forehead.

"Liam," he croaked out, because it could be nobody else. Nobody's arms had ever felt this way around him but Liam's, and nobody's ever could.

Liam leant back to look down at Cailan and let out a relieved sigh. "Oh, Cailan. You'll be fine. I'm so sorry, baby. I just, I had to. We can both leave now."

"Leave?"

Liam's lips curved into a fragile smile. "I got my first fortnight of military pay. New recruits can't keep slaves, but there's lodging near enough that I could visit you every day. Now that I have money to pay for it, I can take you with me."

Cailan pressed his face against Liam's collarbone and let out a sob that wracked his whole body. Liam held him close and petted him as he cried, his hand on Cailan's back and his fingers raking Cailan's hair.

"Come on," Liam whispered against Cailan's ear eventually. "We can't stay here long. I need to get you ready for travel."

Cailan's body felt weak and floppy, and it was all he could do to lean on Liam and let him take care of his needs. If he'd had more presence of mind he might have felt embarrassed clinging to Liam as he emptied his bladder, but Liam just averted his eyes and kept him upright.

Liam stuck his head out of the door and called for Aubree to bring him clean clothing, then helped Cailan gulp down a glass of water. Aubree returned with a fresh robe as Cailan was chewing on a biscuit.

"He's okay?" Aubree asked as she hovered in the doorway, a small frown curving her lips as she watched Cailan eat. It was odd seeing her expression so open. Normally she kept her feelings tightly closed off from him.

"He will be," Liam grumbled. "I thought you would look out for him."

Aubree glanced away, down the hallway, as her face closed off. "Your father—" She shook her head. "Not all of us get to leave now. The rest of us can't risk stepping out of line."

Liam helped Cailan tug his robe off over his head and let out a tiny dismayed sound. "He's half starved. He's just a  _ kid _ , Aubree. My father would have let him starve himself."

Aubree turned back to look at him, her lips pressed together in a tight line. "That surprises you? A dog or a cat would be closer to a real person to your father than a slave is."

Liam lifted the back of his hand to rub at his eye, and Cailan realised he was crying. "He could have just—" Liam shook his head. "I thought he cared about me, at least. Just a bit. I thought—" He shook his head again, an angry jerk. "But that's why I'm leaving, isn't it?"

Aubree took a step further into the room, hesitating just inside. "I've overheard him griping about the dangers of war since you left. Worrying himself. It's more than just a fear of losing what he's invested in his only heir. He  _ does  _ care."

Liam ignored the tears trailing down his cheeks as he helped Cailan into the clean robe. "But he knows I care about Cailan, he  _ knows  _ how upset I'd be if something happened to him. If he cared, wouldn't he have taken care of him?"

Aubree gave a shake of her head. "You know it's not his way."

"Too well."

"Liam—"

"Go and pack Cailan's clothes, would you? I don't think we should linger here any longer than we have to."

Aubree hesitated for a moment longer before giving a sharp nod and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

Cailan wanted to offer Liam comfort, to settle his quiet sniffling, but his brain felt too scrambled for words so all he could do was cling as Liam alternated between packing a bag and encouraging Cailan to eat more food. Liam was sixteen, a man under the law, but in many ways he had far from reached maturity.

"Not everyone is awful," Liam told Cailan as he folded clothes into his suitcase with excessive care. "Some people in this world are kind."

"I know," Cailan murmured, because his master was one of those people. Of course he knew.

“I’ve been trying to feel a certain way about owning you because I thought— I thought that was the only way  _ to _ feel about it. But now I’ve made other friends from different backgrounds and I’ve mentioned you to them and their feelings aren’t the same.”

"Mmh," Cailan said as he pressed in closer against Liam's side.

“They’re not like my school friends who think I needn’t worry about how young you are. And… they’re better men than me, I think. They see how bad things can be for slaves and so, of course, they wouldn’t want to own one. But Cailan, I  _ do _ want you. Always. There’s nothing more precious to me in this world and I don’t ever want to let you go.”

Cailan made a fussy sound and squirmed against Liam's side. He didn't  _ want  _ to be without Liam, not ever.

"Many are worse than my father, of course," Liam continued. "Vicious and unfeeling wretches. I am not the  _ worst  _ of men, but Cailan, it's quite clear I'm not the best either. I'm not sure I even aspire to be."

Cailan wanted to tell him that he was perfect, that he shone brighter than the sun and that any change could only be for the worse, but the only way he could express himself was through even more insistent clinging.

Liam let out a chuckle and then sniffled quietly. "I like that you are mine, that you belong to me, and I'm only just beginning to realise how much I shouldn't."

There was a knock on the door, and then it swung open a crack and Aubree stuck her head in. Her expression pinched tight at the sight of Liam's red, watery eyes, and she pulled the door open wider and dragged a small wheeled suitcase inside. "That's all his clothes."

Liam glanced quickly around and tossed another shirt into his own suitcase before zipping it up. He picked it up by the handle with one hand and took hold of Cailan's hand with the other, then let out a long sigh. "Guess it's time to leave."

"You don't  _ have  _ to," Aubree reminded him.

Liam's lips curved into a tired smile. "No, for once in my life I'm forging my own path." He hissed in a breath through his teeth and swung Cailan's hand in his. "Okay, I'm ready."

Cailan dragged the suitcase packed with his clothes to the end of the hall just fine, but when it came to get down the long set of carpeted stairs they had to do a bit of shuffling. Cailan barely had the strength to keep himself upright and couldn't carry the suitcase’s weight, but he just about started crying when Liam tried to get him to surrender his hand so that he could carry it downstairs for him.

In the end they managed to come to a compromise, Liam holding Cailan's lighter suitcase perched on his shoulder so that Cailan could still cling against his side, hand bunched in Liam's shirt and knuckles grazing the warm skin of Liam's stomach. By the time they made it downstairs and the suitcase was handed off to Cailan again, Liam's father was standing at the foot of the stairs with his arms folded firmly across his chest.

"You can forget about your inheritance, you know," Liam's father said when Liam moved to walk past him with barely a glance in his direction.

Liam paused and tugged Cailan fractionally closer to him. "I'm making my own money now."

Liam's father scoffed. "You'll never have the kind of life you had here on a military salary."

"I don't  _ want  _ the kind of life I've had here," Liam said as he corralled Cailan behind him. "Not ever again."

Liam's father didn't speak again as they made their way past him, just watched them with a deep frown that matched the lines etched into his aging skin.

Outside, Liam hailed a carriage and Cailan settled in warm against his side in the back seat. The military base was almost an hour away, and with the gentle rock of the carriage and Liam's fingers raking gently through his hair, Cailan found his consciousness ebbing away again. He was still so very tired.

Cailan awoke when Liam lifted him out of the carriage, strong arms moving his smaller body with ease. He cracked his eyes open to take in the two story inn as they approached, but his body remained loose and passive in Liam's hold.

The coachman had helped carry the bags, but Liam had to set Cailan on his feet, one arm holding him up, while he fished out a key for one of the first floor rooms and unlocked the door. He picked Cailan back up, carried him a few steps into the room and placed him on the bed, and then returned to pay the coachmen and take their bags.

The instant Cailan was out of physical contact with Liam, he panicked. He dragged his body, still exhausted and malnourished, off the edge of the bed, uncaring that he couldn't get his feet under him and ended up squirming on the floor. He heard the door shut, and then Liam's arms were around him again, lifting him back onto the bed.

"I'm here," Liam murmured, his hand rubbing against Cailan's cheek as he sat down next to him on the bed. "You're fine. Settle down."

Cailan pressed his face against Liam's thigh and murmured out a, "Sorry."

Liam leant down and pressed a kiss just above Cailan's ear. "Not your fault."

"I didn't think you were going to come back for me," Cailan whispered in a voice that wavered with every word.

Liam's hand squeezed firm over Cailan's shoulder. "I was always coming back for you. I will  _ always  _ come back for you. You're mine, understand? My boy, my responsibility."

"Yours," Cailan agreed.

"Do you hate me for it? For owning you?"

Cailan twisted his head to look up at Liam with wide peridot eyes. "I love you more than anyone."

For a moment Liam just stared down at him, a furrow in his brow and his lips slightly parted, but then a smile overtook his face. He stroked a hand around Cailan's jaw. How could Cailan ever have doubted Liam would return for him when Liam looked at him with such complete adoration?

Liam's head jerked around at the sound of a knock on the door. He patted a hand against Cailan's cheek and told him firmly to stay before getting up to answer it.

Cailan squirmed around on the bed, his skin itching with the need for Liam's touch, but he was still on the bed when Liam returned with a tray of food less than a minute later. He let himself be moved around until he was pressed back against Liam's chest, then accepted the thin slice of rabbit Liam offered him from the prongs of a fork.

Liam alternated between feeding himself and feeding Cailan from the plate of roasted rabbit, potatoes, and vegetables, until Cailan turned his face into Liam's shoulder and shook his head. He was full, and he'd learned long ago that Liam would much prefer he say no than accept something he didn't want.

Liam offered him bits of everything left on the plate, but when Cailan continued shaking his head Liam finished the food on his own without pushing further. He felt around Cailan's chest with his free hand as he ate, counting ribs prominent even through the fabric of the robe Cailan was wearing.

After they set the empty tray aside and washed up in the small bathroom, Liam stripped down to his underwear and helped Cailan into his thinner night robe. They went to bed, curled up in one another's arms. Cailan wanted to stroke his fingers over the sparse hair on Liam's chest, feel the muscles that bulged his arms, map out every line of his body with the brush of sensitive fingertips. He knew better, though. He knew that kind of touch crossed a line into something he wasn't allowed. Not yet. Not until he was a man.

Sleep settled close to Cailan's mind almost immediately, but behind him Liam shifted and sighed, still alert to the world.

"You're fine," Cailan murmured, repeating words Liam had used to soothe him countless times. "And I'm fine. We're fine."

"Yeah baby, we are."

#

Though it must have been dreadfully boring for him, Liam stayed all the next day and the day after, his entire weekend off, leaving Cailan's side only to order food or use the bathroom. Separation had gotten easier after an entire night spent curled up together, and each time left Cailan feeling slightly less squirmy and fretful inside. By the time Monday morning came and Liam had to leave, had to go back to the military camp, Cailan was able to tell him he'd be fine with a smile on his face that didn't waver.

As soon as the door shut behind Liam, Cailan flopped back down on the bed, buried his face in the pillow, and shook. His body was no longer starved for affection. It was knowing what had happened last time Liam had left him alone, how close he'd come to some precipice he wasn't sure he could have returned from, that drove panic through him now. He could have begged Liam to stay, and maybe he would have found some way to, to delay returning to work just one more day, but that wasn't any kind of solution. All that left him shaking and sobbing and biting at his knuckles now was fear, and the only way to get over it was to face it.

By the time Liam returned Cailan wore a carefully practised mask of calm on his face, but it shattered at their first touch. Cailan clung to Liam as they stood there in the doorway, squirming against him in a quest to get closer than possible. He didn't cry, though. He didn't sob or beg Liam not to leave him again. He knew what Liam needed, and he was determined to be a good boy.

Liam was exhausted, but he still took the time to encourage Cailan to eat until he flatly refused any more food as he had every meal time since they'd been reunited. There was no lingering wakefulness that night. Almost the instant they were curled up in bed together, Liam was snoring quietly by Cailan's side.

Each day alone was hard, but also easier than the one before it. On the weekend they went into the nearby town and Liam bought Cailan second hand books and puzzles, cheaper versions of the gifts he'd always bestowed on Cailan with generosity to keep him entertained during his long periods of solitude.

Cailan was still shut away in a room most of the time, still kept out of most of his master's life, but he saw the glow this new life brought out in Liam, saw a fresh spark in his eyes and the way his smiles came more easily. Things hadn't changed much for Cailan, but knowing his master was happy now made everything better.


	5. Chapter 5

When Cailan turned sixteen he expected things to change between them. That was the age at which Liam had left his father’s house and forged his own path, the age at which he had joined the military. When Liam had been sixteen, he had considered himself a man.

Cailan lived with Liam at the military camp now. They had more time together but less time alone. During the day Cailan was left in a tent with other slaves and at night he would sleep cuddled up with Liam in a tent with four other men.

Sometimes Liam would finish training early and he would take Cailan back to the tent and they would be alone, and Cailan would wonder if this would be the day when he was finally called upon to serve his purpose. He was ready.

Liam didn’t call him a baby or a child anymore. Sometimes, in those rare moments alone, he would sit Cailan down on their sleeping mat and comb out his golden hair and tell him how beautiful he was.

But he never took things any further. He never pressed their lips together or let his hands wander. He heaped affection on Cailan, but it was always chaste and innocent.

They talked about most things. Liam never reprimanded him for speaking his own mind. But this… this they had not spoken about. Cailan was too afraid to bring it up, to hear Liam’s reasons for leaving him a virgin. He was certain Liam had no ill intentions, but what if he had come to realise he simply wasn’t attracted to Cailan in that way? That human men appealed to him more?

Sometimes instead of being early to fetch him, Liam would be late. He would smell different and he would seem distracted and Cailan would know that he had been with someone else.

Cailan hated how jealous it made him feel. He knew he had no right to those emotions. Cailan belonged to Liam, not the other way around. Liam could do what he pleased with whoever he pleased. How could he feel anything but love and devotion towards this man who had cared for him so diligently and asked for so little in return?

#

Cailan was eighteen when Liam came to fetch him from the slave tent early one day, an extravagant bouquet of flowers in hand. He led Cailan back to the tent where they were alone before handing the flowers to him.

“They’re beautiful,” Cailan told him as he breathed in the sweet aroma of the flowers. “Thank you.”

Liam smiled. “Just like you. I saw you looking at the flowers through the window when we went shopping last week.”

“Oh, I— I didn’t mean to—”

Liam smiled and pressed his palm against Cailan’s cheek, cupping his face in his hand. “Cailan, you know I don’t want you to hide what you want from me. It makes me happy to spend my father’s money on you, and I may as well be buying you things you’ll actually enjoy.”

“Did he send more?”

“Mm.” Liam let his hand fall back to his side. “I swear he thinks I would have died by now if not for his generosity. It’s more than a little insulting.”

“Have you sent him a response yet?”

“No. I’ve started trying a few times, but they always come out with more bitterness than I intended. I don’t want him to think me childish any more than he already does.”

“You’re not childish at all.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Liam planted a gentle kiss on Cailan’s forehead. “Anyway, I did not bring you back early to talk about my father. I have some good news. I’ve received that reassignment to Saffron Rock Base that I was hoping for.”

“Oh! Congratulations!”

Liam smiled. “Thank you. We’ll be sharing a tent with two friends of mine, so we can be a bit more relaxed in how we conduct ourselves and it should be safe for you to stay in the tent alone during the day. I’ll be able to visit you during lunch more often if I don’t have to first go and fetch you from a secondary location and then take you back afterwards.”

“I would enjoy that. I don’t want to seem needy, but I miss you when you’re at work.”

Liam gave Cailan’s forehead another kiss, longer and firmer this time. “Pack your things. We leave tomorrow morning.”

#

Liam hadn’t seemed particularly concerned about what happened to the flowers after he had presented them to Cailan, but Cailan treasured them and wanted them to last as long as possible. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d managed to prop them up in a cup of water over night and by morning they still looked fresh.

It occurred to Cailan that bringing the flowers along with him for the carriage ride might look strange, but he didn’t want to leave them behind and Liam only smiled at him fondly when he noticed him clutching them so he brought them with him anyway.

One of Liam’s friends was already waiting in the carriage when they arrived.

“Good morning, Roope,” Liam said as he helped Cailan into the carriage. “This is Cailan.”

Roope was a tall man with long, ginger hair and pale, freckled skin. A wide brimmed hat sat across his lap. Roope stared at Cailan in silence for a long moment. “Huh. Is his hair actual gold?”

Liam brushed his fingers through Cailan’s long, golden hair. “No, though it is quite convincing, isn’t it? I burnt some of it myself once and I can assure you it smells and behaves just like any other hair when you take a flame to it.”

Roope’s eyebrows lifted. “You burnt his hair?”

“A few strands, obviously. I wouldn’t ruin his lovely hair.”

Roope shuffled over as another man, short and slightly stocky with dark hair shaved close to his scalp, climbed into the carriage and claimed the spot next to him. “Shit, that is an expensive looking slave. Hey, Liam, can I have some money?”

“Ah… probably. What do you need money for?”

“Well I was going to try to grift you, but it’s no fun if you’d just give me money because I asked as like… a nice gesture.”

“Sorry?”

“Did you buy the slave the flowers as well?”

“His name is Cailan.”

“And mine is Tris. Not my fault you didn’t introduce us. But back to the flowers. Roope, how come you never buy  _ me _ flowers?”

“Do you  _ want _ flowers?” Roope asked.

“No. What would I do with flowers?”

“Hold them for a five hour carriage ride?”

Cailan winced. “I’m sorry if they’re an annoyance, sir. I’ll try to keep them out of the way, but if they’re going to be a bother to anyone perhaps Liam would prefer that I leave them behind.”

“Nah, he’s just joking,” Tris said. “Don’t worry. Nobody wants to take your flowers away.”

“Good,” Liam said as he wrapped an arm around Cailan’s shoulders. “He’s more polite than he needs to be. I wouldn’t have asked him to leave the flowers behind.”

Cailan dipped his head and silently acknowledged the correction. Liam’s friends probably wouldn’t even interpret it as such, but Cailan was familiar with Liam’s more subtle approach to shaping his behaviour. Liam never hit or even raised his voice. He didn’t need to. He was well aware that even the most subtle sign of disapproval would reach Cailan and be taken on board.

#

This military camp was far larger than the old one and full of a fresh set of leering faces and suggestive comments aimed in Cailan’s direction. They didn’t bother Cailan terribly much anymore. He knew he was safe with his master at his side and there was nothing new in the things they said. 

It infuriated Liam, however. He knew better than to challenge anyone in a brand new place where he knew so few people, but by the time the four of them made it to their new tent his teeth were clenched and he was squeezing Cailan’s hand hard enough that it hurt.

Liam took a deep breath in, let it out, then looked down at their joined hands and released his grip. “Sorry, love. Did I hurt you?”

Cailan shook his head and stroked the back of Liam’s hand. “I’m sorry they upset you.”

“ _ You’re _ sorry? No, I’m sorry those filthy animals talk to you like you’re a common whore. They have no class. They don’t understand what you are or how you should be treated.”

“Don’t think they really care,” Tris commented as he tossed his bags down on the floor of the tent. “I don’t either, actually, but I’m pretty polite to whores too.”

“Well, I suppose that’s fine.” Liam let out a long sigh. “You know, sometimes I hate it here, but then I think back to how my family treated him, how my school friends did when I let them near him, and I realise the only difference is that the language they used was less crude. They were no kinder to him.”

“Yeah, I mean, that is kind of the thing with being a slave, right? Doesn’t get you a whole lot of respect.”

“Can you not have power over someone without being cruel to them?”

“I guess, but if what you want and what someone else wants are the same thing or if they’re not but you’re not gonna do anything about it, what do you need power over them for? Power’s for making people do what you want instead of what they want, right?”

“I suppose you could describe it that way, but it doesn’t have to be an awful thing. We’re all part of power structures, whether in our work or in our personal relationships. They can be caring and mutually beneficial.”

“Listen, I’m not trying to make any statement on your personal relationship with your slave. I don’t know anything about any of that. All I’m saying is once you scale it up to the whole thing, to the institution of slavery, things are gonna get ugly because the whole point is not giving them a choice in things because if you did they wouldn’t wanna be your property.”

“I do,” Cailan said. He didn’t normally intrude on Liam’s conversations, but Liam was starting to look upset. “I want Liam to be my master. I want to serve him.”

“Huh, okay,” Tris said. “I’m glad you’re doing what you want to be doing.”

Liam’s eyebrows lifted. “What, no lecture about how he’s been brainwashed into it?”

“I mean that seems like a thing that could be true, but I don’t know shit about shit so what am I actually gonna say? And what would the point be? He’s still gonna be a slave. If he’s happy, well… good. I’m glad.”

“Well, I appreciate—” Liam started to say, but he was interrupted by the sound of someone smacking the side of the tent near the flap. That was the equivalent of knocking on a door in these places.

Without waiting for a response, a man with curly dark brown hair stuck his head through the flap. “Ah! You’re here. Hello.”

“Hamish!” Tris said as the man entered the tent. “Liam, this is Hamish, the man who made this all possible.”

“Oh, Hamish!” Liam said. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“People do tend to have a lot to say about me.” Hamish’s attention narrowed in on Cailan and his head tilted ever so slightly to the side. “Wow, you do look like you were expensive. Is your hair real gold?”

“No, sir, just hair,” Cailan murmured.

Liam’s wrapped his arm around Cailan’s waist. “I can give you a few strands from his brush if you’re curious, but I do ask that nobody but myself touches him. I hope that was communicated clearly and that we have an understanding.”

“Relax. About the only thing that turns me off is timidity. And women, I suppose.” Hamish thought for a moment. “No, actually, women are fine, they just don’t turn me on. An important distinction under the right circumstances.”

“Well, I— yes,” Liam said. “What about everyone else? I’m told it should be safe to leave Cailan alone in the tent here.”

“He’ll be fine,” Hamish assured him. “We have a bit of a community here, and as a community we have a bit of a reputation. Of having sex with one another. That’s our reputation. Which is an issue because it’s technically illegal, and more importantly icky, at least in some people’s eyes. Anyway, the point is that none of us would be all that safe alone but we have our tents together here and we keep an eye on one another and nobody bothers us all that much.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Liam said. “There was a tent where slaves could be left during the day at our old camp, but I really dislike leaving Cailan with other slaves.”

“Why? Isn’t it good for him to be able to make slave friends?”

“See, I thought so too, but they’re mostly poorly trained children who are treated quite cruelly by their masters. It’s not a healthy environment for him. It was a situation there that prompted me to make this move, in fact. A man came into the tent while Cailan was there, and while he only touched his own slave he did it in front of the others. In front of Cailan. I don’t want Cailan exposed to that sort of thing.”

“That’s fair,” Hamish said. “I wouldn’t like to see that either.”

Cailan bit down on the inside of his cheek to suppress a frown. Liam had been upset about that situation when Cailan had told him about it, but he hadn’t brought it up since. Certainly not in relation to this move. He had been excited for the promotion and had talked about getting to see Cailan more, but nothing else.

Liam pressed a kiss on the side of Cailan’s forehead and murmured, “I know.”

“Hm?” Hamish asked.

“Oh, I didn’t tell him that was what motivated all of this,” Liam explained. “It makes him feel guilty when I prioritise his needs, but on balance I think it’s more important that he understands that I will.”

Cailan ducked his head. He hadn’t told Liam about that incident expecting him to do anything about it or even with the intention of seeking sympathy. It had simply been something Cailan thought Liam ought to be aware of. In retrospect, he wasn’t at all surprised that Liam hadn’t forgotten about it as quickly as he had pretended. As upside down as it seemed, Liam  _ did _ prioritise Cailan’s needs.

“Well, seems like everything is fine hare,” Hamish said. “Welcome to the camp, hope you enjoy your time here, stay away from Simon he hates you on principle, and if you need anything don’t hesitate to come and see me.”

“Uh…” Liam started to say, but Hamish had already left. “Well, he’s… interesting.”

“You’ll like him once you get to know him,” Tris said. “Everyone likes Hamish.”

“Oh, no, I think I already like him, but he  _ is _ strange.”

“And he was looking at the two of you like he’d never seen anything like you before, so what does that make you?”

“Sometimes when things are mostly not very good, being strange is necessary,” Liam said. “Come on, Cailan. Let’s see if we can find something to put those flowers of yours in before they wilt any more.”


	6. Chapter 6

It hadn’t occurred to Cailan that there was anything special between Tris and Roope. Not until they returned to the tent after exploring the camp shortly after Liam had left to fetch dinner for himself and Cailan and they laid their sleeping mats out side by side and started aggressively kissing one another. 

Cailan averted his eyes and laid still, his heart hammering hard in his chest. These were Liam’s friends and he trusted them, but they were strangers to Cailan. He trusted Liam’s judgement, of course, but Liam had been wrong before. After a few incidents with school friends, he had mostly resigned himself to keeping everyone away from Cailan.

But perhaps that was simply a good reason to trust him now. If he was putting his trust in these two men after trusting nobody for so long, surely he had good reason.

By the time Liam returned the two men were half naked and grinding on top of one another. Tris grabbed at Liam’s pant leg as he walked past.

Liam shook him off and held up the tray of food he was carrying. “I appreciate the invitation, but this food looks barely edible warm. I don’t think I could stomach it cold.”

Liam continued over to Cailan, sat down with him and set their food out, and then started eating as someone’s pants were tossed across the tent. Cailan followed his lead and did his best to ignore what was happening on the other side of the tent. It wasn’t a tiny tent, but it certainly wasn’t large enough to feel uninvolved in the intimate moment.

Cailan had been scared at first and even Liam returning hadn’t truly dampened the fear, but the more things heated up the more his fear ebated. He had witnessed sex or the aftermath of it in various ways on various occasions, and it had always been a profoundly negative experience for one of the parties involved.

Intellectually Cailan had known that mutual enjoyment was possible, of course. He knew Liam had sex with other men and he had never seemed harmed by it, and Cailan couldn’t imagine him hurting someone else in that way. But seeing it — or hearing it, mostly, because he didn’t dare look too much — leant a whole new sense of reality to it.

It made it hurt more that this was something Liam wouldn’t share with him. If he thought of sex as something painful and scary then he could consider his virginity a kindness Liam had allowed him, but these two men stifling moans as they enjoyed one anothers’ bodies was the truth of things. Liam simply didn’t desire him.

#

Around two weeks later Cailan was alone in the tent, sitting on his sleeping mat reading a book. He had already cleaned everything in the tent that needed to be cleaned. He wished he had more work to do. It was hard to feel like he earned his keep when he did so little, but Liam didn’t seem to think it was an issue.

Cailan startled as the tent flaps opened and Tris, Roope, and Hamish stumbled inside, clearly drunk. There was a wine bottle still clutched in Hamish’s hand. Hamish gave Cailan a smile and a polite nod and then turned his attention to groping Roope’s ass.

Cailan turned his back to them to give them their privacy and pretended to keep reading. It was impossible to focus with what was going on behind him.

“Is it okay to do this with Cailan in here?” Hamish asked.

“Mm, yeah, it’s fine,” Tris said. “He’s in here literally all the time, so it’d be a problem if we couldn’t. Liam says it’s fine as long as we don’t touch Cailan or involve him in any way.”

“What does Cailan say?”

“Not much, usually.”

At this point Cailan was mostly used to hearing Tris and Roope have sex, although Liam was usually there when it happened and Hamish hadn’t been involved before. Tris occasionally tried to get Liam to join them and Cailan got the feeling he had done so in the past, when Cailan wasn’t there, but so far he had always declined.

Cailan heard someone approach and startled when he looked up and found Hamish standing at his side. He started to shrink away, but then Hamish held the wine bottle out to him.

“Can you hold this for me?” Hamish asked. “Don’t want to spill it everywhere.”

“Oh, um, y—yes, sir,” Cailan said as he took the bottle. 

“Thanks!” Hamish said as he headed back over to join the other two men, who were already half naked and vigorously grinding on one another.

Cailan returned his eyes to his book.

Cailan didn’t quite know how three people had sex with one another, and he still didn’t know by the end of it because he didn’t look. From the sounds of it, though, they all enjoyed themselves.

Silence fell afterwards and Cailan assumed they had all fallen asleep, but after around ten minutes someone got up, put their pants on, and approached Cailan. Hamish sat down next to Cailan and held his hand out for the bottle of wine.

“Thanks for holding onto it for me,” Hamish said as Cailan handed the bottle back to him.

“You’re welcome, sir,” Cailan murmured.

Hamish took a swallow of the wine. “Did you have any?”

“No, of course not, sir!”

“Are slaves not allowed alcohol?”

“You gave me the bottle to mind. I wouldn’t drink from it without permission, sir.”

“Ah, I guess that is good manners,” Hamish said. “And where are mine? Would you like some wine, Cailan?”

“No thank you, sir.”

Hamish nodded. “So, how have you been settling in?”

“Liam is still learning his way around, but he much prefers being able to share a tent with his friends and he appreciates the community here. He’s grateful for your help in all of this.”

“That’s nice, but I asked about you, not Liam.”

“I, um… there haven’t been any incidents, sir, if that’s what you’re enquiring about?”

“That’s good to hear. Have you—” Hamish started to say, but he was interrupted by the tent flap pushing open.

Liam entered the tent, a tray of food in hand and a smile on his face that quickly faded as he took in the scene in front of him. He gave Tris a firm jab in the ribs with the toe of his boot.

“What?” Tris mumbled as he stirred awake.

“What’s this?” Liam asked, nodding towards Hamish and Cailan.

Tris rubbed at his eyes. “That’s Hamish. You know Hamish.”

“Not well enough for him to be with Cailan, unsupervised.”

Roope sat up, fully naked, and rubbed at his temple. “I’m sure they were only talking, Liam. Hamish wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.”

“I suspect you’re quite right about that, but I need to be the one to make that decision. Every time. I told you it was okay for you to bring people back here and you promised me your guests would never have unsupervised access to Cailan.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Roope said. “We had an agreement with you and we broke it. We apologise.”

“Yeah, shit,” Tris said as he sat up as well. “I didn’t think anything of it because it’s Hamish, but you’re right. We made you a promise.”

Liam let out a long, slow breath and nodded. Cailan could tell he was still upset, but he was a reasonable man and he wouldn’t keep an argument going after a sincere apology had been given. He turned his attention to Hamish. “You were just talking to him, yes?”

“Of course,” Hamish said. “Or trying to, anyway. He doesn’t say much.”

“Companions are trained not to gossip behind their masters’ backs.”

“I didn’t realise I was requesting deeply privileged information when I asked him how he was.”

“He’s not stupid, Hamish, and neither am I. There’s a lot that could be gleaned from a truly honest answer to that question. Now, I don’t necessarily object to you having that information, but I do disapprove of the methods you’ve used to try to obtain it.”

“That’s fair,” Hamish said. “Tris, Roope, why don’t you go finish your nap in my tent so that Liam and I can talk?”

“Yeah, because if there’s one thing that’s going to make this day better it’s waking up to Simon finding me sleeping in his tent,” Tris said as he started to put his clothes back on. “No thank you, but we  _ will _ fuck off so you can talk. Might as well go get some lunch while they’re still serving it.”

“Thank you,” Hamish said as he watched them dress. He waited until they were gone and had left the tent, and then he got up and sat down on their sleeping mats instead. 

Liam did his best to offer Cailan a reassuring smile, and then he went and joined Hamish on the other sleeping mats.

“So,” Liam said as he sat down, “did you simply see the opportunity to have a conversation with Cailan and decide to take it, or was this a situation you set out to create?”

Hamish laughed. “Listen, Liam. We have a community here and I consider it my responsibility to make sure that everyone who lives here is safe and taken care of. Cailan may be a slave, but he lives here too so I take responsibility for his wellbeing.”

“I think you’ll find that Cailan’s wellbeing is  _ my _ responsibility. I’m sure your intentions are good, but you know nothing about him or what his needs are.”

Hamish nodded, took a drink of the wine, and handed the bottle to Liam. “I agree, actually, but I can’t help but wonder if that level of social isolation is good for him. Even if you’re absolutely perfect and do everything you can for him, surely having just a single person in his life isn’t ideal.”

Liam took a long swallow of the wine. “I used to try to include him in activities with my school friends, but it never went well. The more they felt like I was allowing them access to him, the worse it went. I learnt not to trust anyone with him.”

“You trust Tris and Roope with him.”

“I do, yes.” Liam took another drink of the wine. “They’re a different breed of men. I believe you are too, but understand that I’ve known Tris and Roope for  _ years _ and I didn’t introduce them to Cailan until we made the move here. I do not trust easily when it comes to Cailan’s safety.”

“I respect that, really,” Hamish said. “You’ve done what you’ve needed to do, and if you’ve kept him safe in a place like this I can’t say you’ve done a bad job of it. But Liam, I’ve tried talking to Tris and Roope about Cailan. Asking them about him. They tell me they know nothing, that they have nothing to do with him, and I don’t think they’re just being tight lipped for the sake of your privacy.”

“Well— no, that’s accurate.”

“Why?”

“He’s timid. He doesn’t like to talk to others.”

“Of course. From what you’ve described, other people have only been unkind to him.”

Liam finished off the wine and then lay down. “Mm…”

Hamish lay down next to him. “What happens if something happens to you? I assume you have an inheritance plan.”

“Tris and then Roope.”

“You understand the issue then, yes?”

Liam nodded. “He needs to know them.”

Hamish stroked a hand over the top of Liam’s hair. “That’s right.”

Liam shut his eyes and pressed into the touch. “Thank you for caring. I must seem like an imbecile, but this is harder than it seems.”

Hamish continued petting his hair. “I can imagine it would be quite difficult.”

It was Liam who wrapped an arm around Hamish, Liam who pulled him closer and pressed their lips together. Hamish kissed him back, slow and deep.

Cailan squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face into the pillow. Liam had never done this in front of him before, but he had known it was only a matter of time. He bit down on the inside of his cheek and scolded himself. It wasn’t right for him to feel this way. Liam was  _ not his _ . A good slave did not get upset when he did not get what he wanted and Cailan was a  _ very good slave _ . At least that was what Liam always told him.

“Ah,” Hamish said. “I think I should go.”

“What? Why?” There was a moment of silence and then Liam said, “Oh.”

“I’m not a homewrecker, Liam,” Hamish said, and then Cailan heard the sound of a short, light kiss being planted somewhere on Liam’s body. “I’ll talk to you later.”


	7. Chapter 7

Cailan heard Hamish get up and leave, felt Liam sit down beside him. He knew he should lift his head and pretend that he had just been trying to sleep, that everything was fine, but he knew it wouldn’t be convincing and Liam hated it when he hid his feelings. He still did it because that was part of being a good slave, but he tried to do it well enough that Liam wouldn’t know.

Liam stroked fingers through Cailan’s hair. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

Cailan turned his head so that his face was no longer buried in the pillow. He couldn’t keep hiding. It would look like sulking. “Yes, of course. I— I was just—”

“What are you feeling right now?”

Cailan hated that question. He always struggled with it, but Liam had been asking it more and more. This time, he didn’t answer at all.

“Cailan,” Liam said, gentle but firm.

“I— I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Do you not know, or do you not want to say because you think it’s the wrong thing?”

“I’m  _ sorry _ ,” Cailan said again. His throat felt tight and his eyes were damp.

Liam lay down next to Cailan and stroked fingers through his hair, slow and soothing. “I know this is difficult for you and I regret taking this long to recognise the issue. If I’d begun working with you on this when you were younger instead of letting you further ingrain these behaviours, you would likely struggle with this far less.”

Cailan shuffled closer and clung to Liam. He wanted Liam to be happy with him, but he didn’t know how to get there from where he was. Every path felt like a disappointment waiting to happen.

“Take a deep breath in, let it out, and tell me how you feel. I expect you to be completely honest with me. Do you understand?”

Cailan nodded. He took a deep breath in. Let it out. His hands clutched at Liam’s shirt. “I feel jealous.”

“Mm, I thought so,” Liam said, still petting Cailan’s hair. “Why?”

“I know I’m not supposed to. It’s not my place, and—”

“Cailan,” Liam interrupted. “I expect you to answer the questions I ask you. I asked why you feel jealous, not for you to tell me why you shouldn’t.”

Cailan swallowed. He was silent for a long moment. “I’m a man now. I’ve been a man for some time. You always said you were waiting, but now that I’m grown you still prefer humans.”

“I give you my love in other ways. Why does that trouble you?”

“I’m a Companion. That’s my purpose.”

“Are you upset that you failed to fulfil the purpose my father bought you for? That you failed to stop me from having intimate relationships with other human men?”

“No, of course not!” Cailan insisted. “He gave me to you. It doesn’t matter what he wanted. I’m yours and I serve you.”

“And you’ve done everything I’ve asked of you.”

“Yes, I— yes, of course. You’re right.”

Liam sighed. “Cailan, I’m not trying to talk you out of your feelings. I’m trying to understand them.”

Cailan chewed on his lip. “Maybe I could cut my hair. I can’t look as masculine as the men you prefer, but I could look a little less—”

“Cailan!” Liam exclaimed, abruptly sitting up and looking down at him, his expressed pinching.

Cailan shrunk back. He knew Liam would never strike him, but he wanted nothing more than to make him happy and what he had just said had clearly  _ not _ made Liam happy.

“Cailan,” Liam repeated, much more gently this time. He stroked a hand over the top of Cailan’s hair. “You’re beautiful, okay? I love you how you are. You don’t need to change.”

Cailan looked away. “But you don’t find me attractive. Not in that way.”

“Don’t tell me what I think.”

“I— no, of course not, but—”

Liam lay down on his back and let out a long sigh. “You are correct that I always intended to simply wait until you were older. You’re beautiful, Cailan, but you were too young, and you seemed all the younger for how timid and vulnerable you were.”

“I know,” Cailan murmured.

“But there were a few… incidents that made me rethink my intentions. The first was with a young man, about a year after I joined the military. He showed interest in me, and he responded to kissing and our hands on one another’s bodies. I thought we were on the same page. But then we took things further, and I’m ashamed to say that I took far longer than I would have liked to realise something was wrong. That he was no longer enthusiastic and responsive. I stopped, and we talked, and it turned out he wasn’t as attracted to men as he had thought.”

“That wasn’t your fault. It was a misunderstanding.”

“It was careless of me,” Liam said. “The second incident was between me and two officers. I was the age you are now, I believe, and they were much older than me. I became uncomfortable and tried to politely extract myself from the situation, but they didn’t listen. I had to become quite insistent before they let me go, enough that I felt the fear of thinking they might not.”

Cailan’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry. Nobody should hurt you.”

“And nobody should hurt you either, sweetheart. But every time something like this happens I think of you and I realise you wouldn’t say a thing. In fact, you would do your very best to hide any discomfort or fear you were feeling. Why should I even assume you’re attracted to men? Most men aren’t, and I doubt anyone asked you before selling you for this purpose. Are you attracted to men, Cailan?”

“Of course,” Cailan said, but he was realising he had never thought to ask himself that. It had been irrelevant.

“ _ Are _ you?” Liam pressed.

“I think so,” Cailan said. “I— yes? I’m attracted to  _ you _ .”

“Are you actually?”

“Yes,” Cailan said, more confident now. “Sometimes… sometimes I have dreams about you, and you kiss me on my mouth, and— and you touch me with your hands. They are not bad dreams.”

Liam offered him a gentle, encouraging smile. “You never told me about that.”

Cailan averted his gaze. “We’re encouraged to avoid those kinds of dreams when we can.”

“You know I don’t mind, don’t you? I’ve told you it’s okay if you explore your sexuality on your own. I could hardly expect you to wait for years to do anything at all.”

“I know. I remember. But… I wanted it to be with you instead. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“You haven’t been touching yourself? At all?”

Cailan shook his head. “I just have the dreams sometimes. I can’t help the dreams. And… I like having them. I get to pretend you like me as much as a human man.”

“Cailan,” Liam said, voice scolding, and Cailan reflexively squirmed in on himself. “When I call you my love, my world, my treasure, do you think I’m just being theatrical? Do you think I don’t mean that?”

Cailan stayed silent. No answer felt like the right one.

“Sex can be very nice, but it’s not everything, Cailan. Not by a long shot. Do you really think a little fun with an acquaintance is worth more than the years we’ve spent together? More than the strength and the love and the support you’ve given me? I’ll tell you, Cailan, it doesn’t come close, and that’s why I had set my attraction towards you aside. I intend for us to be together our whole lives. If I make a mistake that tarnishes our bond, I have to live with that. We  _ both _ do.”

“I think… I think it’s hard for me to believe how much you genuinely care for me. Not because you don’t do a good job of showing it, but because it’s not something that’s supposed to happen. It’s not unusual for a master to feel affection for his Companion, but it lacks the depth and endurance of a romance between two humans. It’s a temporary substitute while a human seeks a long term relationship or a supplement to an unsatisfying marriage.”

Liam rolled onto his side, facing Cailan, and wrapped an arm around his waist. He didn’t pull him any closer, but he knew that Cailan found the touching reassuring, grounding. “I don’t blame you for being confused, Cailan. I still haven’t sorted all of this out in my own mind. I try to simplify things for myself by telling myself that you’re my slave and I can have whatever sort of relationship with you I like, but that misses the point. What we’re doing, and what I strive for, is outside the bounds of a typical relationship between master and slave.”

“I hope you’ll forgive me for sometimes being slow to catch up, even when you’re quite clear about what you want from me. I was very well prepared for a typical relationship, and though I appreciate what you’ve given me instead it does confuse me at times.”

“I know, love. Don’t fret about it. Your greatest downfall is how hard you try to be good, and how could I be cross about that?”

“It helps when you redefine what it means to be good for me. Even when it’s to express my own feelings and make sure my needs are met. I feel guilty about doing it for myself, but when you give me firm instructions, make it an order, it’s so much easier.”

Liam smiled and pressed a kiss against Cailan’s forehead. “That’s why I do it. I found that being too gentle and permissive with you made you anxious. You  _ need _ guidance.”

Cailan nodded.

“I will admit that I am happy to provide it. With the kinds of friends I make they sometimes assume, when they find out my father gave you to me without so much as asking first, that I would not choose to be your master. That, were there some other way you could be safe and happy, I would choose that instead. That is not the case. What I have with you is exactly what I want.”

“I know,” Cailan whispered. Liam had told him this before. He seemed to feel it was a morally questionable position, but it always brought Cailan comfort to hear it was still the case. He belonged to Liam and wouldn’t want things any other way. Of course he wanted Liam to want to be his master.

“Ours is different from a typical relationship between master and slave in many ways, but there is one difference that is particularly important. This has always been true, but if we’re to be getting into areas of physical intimacy I feel I ought to explicitly state it. Are you listening carefully?”

Cailan nodded. “Always.”

“If you give me a clear, firm no to anything, ever, even to the most reasonable of requests, I will respect it. If you need something between us to change in order for you to be happy, even if it’s well outside of what you’ve been taught to expect as a slave, I will do it. I will do  _ anything _ . I know none of that will come naturally to you, but I need you to understand that  _ you _ are what is most important to me. Please do not  _ ever _ let me make you unhappy.”

Cailan wrapped his arms around Liam and clung to him. His throat felt tight and his body was trembling.

Liam stroked soothing lines up and down Cailan’s back. “What are you feeling, sweetheart?”

“Loved,” Cailan said. “But… vulnerable, too. The idea of doing what you suggested scares me. It feels like something I shouldn’t do. But— but knowing that you would do that for me…”

“I would,” Liam murmured into Cailan’s hair.

Cailan pulled away just far enough that he could look Liam in the eye. “I’m sorry I doubted your devotion. You’ve given me no reason to. You’ve given me  _ everything _ .”

“No, Cailan, you explained yourself well. I gave you a very good reason to. I told you I intended to have sex with you when you were grown and then I never did and I gave you no reason why. I understand.”

“So— so can we…”

“When you think about these things, are you thinking about how you want to be a good boy and serve your master, or are these thoughts that turn you on?”

Cailan bit at his lip. His natural instinct was to insist, even to himself, that all he wanted was to serve. But the dreams… the dreams had not been about serving Liam, at least not primarily. Of course they were framed from a position of Liam wanting something from him, but if he were honest the true fantasy was that Liam would want to give him what he wanted.

“I think it’s difficult for me to see my sexuality as something that’s entirely my own. There are things I want you to want from me and to want to do to me, if that makes any sense.”

“No, we’ve been through this with other things. I understand. You have a hard time enjoying things just for yourself. I don’t think that’s entirely incompatible with healthy sex. It  _ should _ be mutually enjoyed. But, Cailan, that goes both ways. You understand how much it would upset me if you hid your feelings and let me do something you didn’t want, don’t you?”

Cailan nodded. “Of course. I do understand why you would think I might do that. Sometimes I still struggle to remember that what you want from me isn’t necessarily what I’ve been trained to expect a master to want from me. When it comes to specific, concrete things it’s easy enough, but more general concepts like prioritising my own wellbeing are more challenging.”

Liam gave him a gentle smile. “I know, sweetheart, and I won’t rely solely on you to keep it in check. It’s my responsibility in this to make sure at all times that you are okay, and to do nothing that may hurt you if I can’t be sure of that. But I do believe we are ready for this next stage in our relationship. Not just that you’re old enough for it, but that I have the maturity to handle this properly and that we understand one another well enough to make this something positive.”

Cailan smiled and wet his lips. “So… so are we going to…”

“No yet. Not here in this tent where we might be interrupted or overheard or rushed.” Liam leant forward and pressed their lips together, just for a moment. “But soon.”


End file.
